I understand that, but adult ADHD and childhood ADHD are very different.
The energy level in childhood, brain development, behavioral expectations in school, and everything else is very different. I'm old enough that ADD (now ADHD) wasn't really a thing when I was growing up. People had to learn to manage, without medication. Doing it with medication is different, but being a functioning adult is not the same, and the same knowledge should not applied.
Everything you are saying is from an outside point of view. He sounds depressed, but he went through a traumatic incident. That doesn't mean he cannot have both.
It's not even a little surprising that he had a change in personality. You sound extremely judgmental, to be honest. Your friend went through trauma. He may not have PTSD (that word is used a bit too freely these days), but it was a traumatic experience which sounds like it literally crippled his ability to do half of the things your'e saying he doesn't "want" to do.
He suffered "life long damage to his dominant hand". The hand he presumably uses to help fly the drone, to play music, to use the controller playing games, to use the mouse in Blender (maybe). It may be painful constantly, especially if the rehab/physio was hard to manage during lockdown. You would also have a "large change in personality".
There isn't a lot of psychiatric care which can be done in isolation. People who have ADHD/ASD are also more likely to be depressed, but you can't "root cause" this to a single issue, and saying "well, he's depressed/has trauma, so he should deal with that" doesn't mean he does not also have ADHD.
He is trying to tell himself to "fake it until he makes it" after a traumatic experience, and he does not want to relive the trauma in therapy, he does not want to risk whatever potential side effects from antidepressants.
He is trying to accept that this is his life now. This life of lifelong damage in his dominant hand which has forever put the thing he loves out of his reach, and _maybe_ dragging him out of the house to do new things would introduce him to something new he loves which does not remind him of the life he cannot have anymore. _Maybe_ doing that instead of gossiping with his wife about it and wondering why he no longer does his old hobbies would help.
It sounds as if he is living in limbo between a life he lost and finding new fulfillment. The thing about very traumatic experiences as an adult is that the medication he is currently on (and again, which he probably needs) has made his life somewhat bearable again. He doesn't sound happy, and he doesn't sound like he knows what will make him happy, but the current state of things is so much better than it was two years ago that he doesn't think it's bad, or he worries that making more changes would make it worse again.
Be your friend's friend instead of whatever you're doing now. Monday morning psychiatrist on HackerNews is definitely not.
I just wanted to clear a few points up. This person is not just a friend they are family. I have known them since they were born while I was a child. We grew up together and have always been very close.
He and his wife are childhood sweet hearts, they have been together since they were teenagers. I have known his wife since they first started dating so more than 15 years now. His wife and I are not "gossiping" about him behind his back as you put it. We are concerned for him and worry he is fixating on one possible problem while dismissing outright every other possibility.
One thing I would like to clarify a bit is when you say "forever put the thing he loves out of his reach", this is not true. While he may never play the guitar quite as well as he used to he can still play, far better than anyone else I know personally. When I said life long damage to his dominant hand I was referring more to visual scars than anything else. He did struggle for about a year but he is perfectly able to play the guitar and use his hand much as before. Perhaps not quite as good as before but it is not like he lost his hand or it was horrifically damaged to the point it is useless.
Unfortunately I am unable to edit my previous comment. When I wrote "unable to do many of their hobbies from the physical injury (unable to play video games, the guitar, drums, etc)" I meant they were unable to do those hobbies at the time (i.e. in the 6-12 months post injury) due to them being in recovery not that they were permanently unable to do those hobbies for the rest of their life.
>Be your friend's friend instead of whatever you're doing now.
We are all trying to be there for them. Me, his brother, his wife, his parents. We're all worried about him and while I may come across as being judgemental I promise you that is not the case.
> I just wanted to clear a few points up. This person is not just a friend they are family. I have known them since they were born while I was a child. We grew up together and have always been very close.
How many of those years have you been a mental health professional?
> We are all trying to be there for them. Me, his brother, his wife, his parents. We're all worried about him and while I may come across as being judgemental I promise you that is not the case.
No, you're on the internet invalidating his diagnosis.
> he does not want to relive the trauma in therapy
AIUI, therapy is not really about "reliving trauma". It certainly sounds like this person could benefit from assistance by a professional wrt. managing his stress reactions. Medication is a crutch.
The energy level in childhood, brain development, behavioral expectations in school, and everything else is very different. I'm old enough that ADD (now ADHD) wasn't really a thing when I was growing up. People had to learn to manage, without medication. Doing it with medication is different, but being a functioning adult is not the same, and the same knowledge should not applied.
Everything you are saying is from an outside point of view. He sounds depressed, but he went through a traumatic incident. That doesn't mean he cannot have both.
It's not even a little surprising that he had a change in personality. You sound extremely judgmental, to be honest. Your friend went through trauma. He may not have PTSD (that word is used a bit too freely these days), but it was a traumatic experience which sounds like it literally crippled his ability to do half of the things your'e saying he doesn't "want" to do.
He suffered "life long damage to his dominant hand". The hand he presumably uses to help fly the drone, to play music, to use the controller playing games, to use the mouse in Blender (maybe). It may be painful constantly, especially if the rehab/physio was hard to manage during lockdown. You would also have a "large change in personality".
There isn't a lot of psychiatric care which can be done in isolation. People who have ADHD/ASD are also more likely to be depressed, but you can't "root cause" this to a single issue, and saying "well, he's depressed/has trauma, so he should deal with that" doesn't mean he does not also have ADHD.
He is trying to tell himself to "fake it until he makes it" after a traumatic experience, and he does not want to relive the trauma in therapy, he does not want to risk whatever potential side effects from antidepressants.
He is trying to accept that this is his life now. This life of lifelong damage in his dominant hand which has forever put the thing he loves out of his reach, and _maybe_ dragging him out of the house to do new things would introduce him to something new he loves which does not remind him of the life he cannot have anymore. _Maybe_ doing that instead of gossiping with his wife about it and wondering why he no longer does his old hobbies would help.
It sounds as if he is living in limbo between a life he lost and finding new fulfillment. The thing about very traumatic experiences as an adult is that the medication he is currently on (and again, which he probably needs) has made his life somewhat bearable again. He doesn't sound happy, and he doesn't sound like he knows what will make him happy, but the current state of things is so much better than it was two years ago that he doesn't think it's bad, or he worries that making more changes would make it worse again.
Be your friend's friend instead of whatever you're doing now. Monday morning psychiatrist on HackerNews is definitely not.