I've asked that at every non-public company where I've had "options" and they've never complied. Just have to treat the options as confetti from then on.
Same here. I keep hearing that platitude, and have yet to come across a company that will cough up the numbers. I've decided it's one of those things that sounds good on the face of it, makes sense, but isn't really true.
But your final sentence is the best advice: treat the options as a potential windfall, but don't otherwise factor them into your decision.
Just have to treat the options as confetti from then on.
Agree. (1) Don't ever take a salary drop for options w/out cap table, and (2) don't make sacrifices that would hurt your career or home life because of them either.
Most people in the startup world have evolved enough to get (1) but (2) is where startup culture tends to go off the rails-- people start working 80-hour weeks on career-incoherent grunt work for their options, blissfully unaware of the 10-100x larger grants given to all of the nontechnical VPs who go home at 3:30.
Engineers are smart these days. Is anybody really doing 80h/week for shady options? I doubt it. Employees stuck in this position generally aren't so bright or don't have any other choice for some other reason. But still very rare.
I've asked that at every non-public company where I've had "options" and they've never complied. Just have to treat the options as confetti from then on.