It took years before I referred to my wife as anything but "my wife" even at work, because most people didn't know her, and so didn't know here name and it was simply easier to refer to her that way.
At this duty station I'm the same. No one here knows my wife so I don't refer to her (or even my children) by name.
At my first duty station it was much more tight-knit; we knew each other by first name, met off-hours as a group (including spouse and children), etc. So there it wasn't unusual to refer to someone's wife by first name.
Now I can see why people would be offended about referring to "the wife" (and it's less savory alternates), as if you were resigned to torturing yourself once you got home and not actually in a committed relationship with a human being. But that's not what is happening when talking about your actual wife, just as it's considered perfectly acceptable to refer to one's mother, brother, father, or sister by role instead of name.
