But what we have is CI tools with integrations to a million things they shouldn't probably have integrations to.
Most of the build should be handled by your build scripts. Most of the deploy should be handled by deploy scripts. What's left for a CI that 'stays in its lane' is fetching, scheduling, and reporting, and auth. Most of them could stand to be doing a lot more scheduling and reporting, but all evidence points to them being too busy being distracted by integrating more addons. There are plenty of addons that one could write that relate to reporting (eg, linking commit messages to systems of record), without trying to get into orchestration that should ultimately be the domain of the scripts.
Otherwise, how do you expect people to debug them?
I've been thinking lately I could make a lot of good things happen with a Trac-like tool that also handled CI and stats as first class citizens.
All a CI pipeline is is an artifact generator.
All a CD pipeline is is an artifact shuffler that can kick off dependent CI jobs.
The rest is just as the author mentions. Remote Code Execution as a service.