Much - not all - of this boils down to the simple rule of being real with someone. Don't flood them with niceties, if you want to be nice and have something you want to say... say it. If you have to THINK too hard about what you want to say, then perhaps you shouldn't say anything.
Honestly, I wish this would be applied in everyday conversation more often, it would give people practice. I loathe small talk and would rather say nothing than talk about the weather.
Consider that small talk can simply be a token gesture of openness to someone, a chance to engage them and try to take the conversation to a more interesting place. Few people can't jump straight to deep topics all the time and the people who do can be annoying.
Honestly, I wish this would be applied in everyday conversation more often, it would give people practice. I loathe small talk and would rather say nothing than talk about the weather.