I think the tolerance of the a-hole also depends on whether that a-hole is a unicorn.
MJ, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk etc. They're not everyday a-holes. These guys are/were arguably at the top of their game during the peak of their a-holery, so to speak.
The acceptance of their a-holery is going to be much broader than it is for some random wannabe who thinks they are greater than they really are.
It might be important to note that with the exception of Musk, the examples I used came up in a different time, and the tolerance for some of their behaviour would be much lower today.
A leader can also be described as someone who pushes colleagues/subordinates within the limits of what he can do hence that fantastic MJ line ' I never asked anyone to do something I could not do myself. '
There is no such thing as being pushed at your own pace.
Excellence and leadership requires strength, and determination, no doubt about it.
But do you then ruthlessly impose those values on everyone else, or help them get there?
To me, that's the difference between a leader and an ahole.