> This finding is also stressing me out. My son is 2 1/2 years old. Did I love him enough in his first year? Any way for me to tell?
(Educational scientist here, psychology was part of my studies. I'm not a psychologist, though.)
Don't stress yourself. If you're loving your kid and are able to physically show it, e.g. you're able to cuddle your son, hold him when something bad happened etc., then you have the first major factor in check. You should be the calm and readily available ressource for emotional warmth if the kid needs it.
The second factor is consistency: Identical child behaviour should produce identical parental reactions. E.g. "Look dad, I built something awesome!" shouldn't generate a "Oh great!" on day one and "I don't want to see that crap, I'm tired from work" on day two. The same goes for negative behavior. That makes it easier for the child to grasp the external actions as results of own behavior, thus easing the development of self-efficacy.
It's perfectly fine to be stressed out from work, BTW! It should just be clear for the kid that this is not the kid's fault.
The difference with helicopter parents: It's perfectly fine for the kid to throw a tantrum if it's not getting that muffin just before lunch. If your reasoning is rational and consistent, it's fine to enforce that calmly. And it's fine for the kid to be pissed. It's perfectly fine for the kid to do risky things on the playground. If the kid hurts itself, comfort it, and that's it.
(Educational scientist here, psychology was part of my studies. I'm not a psychologist, though.)
Don't stress yourself. If you're loving your kid and are able to physically show it, e.g. you're able to cuddle your son, hold him when something bad happened etc., then you have the first major factor in check. You should be the calm and readily available ressource for emotional warmth if the kid needs it.
The second factor is consistency: Identical child behaviour should produce identical parental reactions. E.g. "Look dad, I built something awesome!" shouldn't generate a "Oh great!" on day one and "I don't want to see that crap, I'm tired from work" on day two. The same goes for negative behavior. That makes it easier for the child to grasp the external actions as results of own behavior, thus easing the development of self-efficacy. It's perfectly fine to be stressed out from work, BTW! It should just be clear for the kid that this is not the kid's fault.
The difference with helicopter parents: It's perfectly fine for the kid to throw a tantrum if it's not getting that muffin just before lunch. If your reasoning is rational and consistent, it's fine to enforce that calmly. And it's fine for the kid to be pissed. It's perfectly fine for the kid to do risky things on the playground. If the kid hurts itself, comfort it, and that's it.